why i stopped being a doula

This article outlines the reasons the author stopped being a doula, highlighting the intense emotional and physical demands of the job, the changing dynamics of parent-baby relationships, and the author's desire to focus on their own wellbeing and personal growth.

The Highs and Lows of Doula Work

Doula work offers a profound connection to parents as they navigate the journey of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum adaptation. The role of a doula is to provide emotional support, practical assistance, and guidance through the various stages of parenting. However, the author's experience highlights the high stakes and emotional labor involved in this work.

After a particularly challenging birth, the author found themselves overwhelmed by the demands of caring for the parents and the lack of support from the medical team. This experience highlighted the immense pressure and emotional labor doulas are expected to undertake, as well as the need for greater collaboration and understanding between healthcare providers and their clients.

Changing Dynamics of Parent-Infant Relationships

The author's relationship with one of their clients evolved from a supportive and collaborative partnership to a more complicated and emotionally taxing one. They found themselves becoming increasingly invested in the parent's journey and bearing a sense of responsibility for their well-being, which led to a sense of urgency and a lack of boundaries.

This shift in dynamics highlighted the complexities of doula-client relationships and the need for doulas to maintain a respectful and independent role in the process. The author's experience demonstrates that doulas cannot continue to fulfill their role without addressing their own emotional and mental health needs.

Personal Growth and Change

As the author entered a new phase of life, approaching menopause, they began to question the sustainability of the intense demands of doula work. They realized that their energy and motivation were flagging and that it was time to prioritize their own well-being. The author's decision to step back from doula work was a necessary step towards fostering their own growth and development.

Leaving doula work allowed the author to reconnect with their passions outside of work and to focus on activities that nourished their soul and nurtured their inner knowing. By prioritizing their own growth and emotional intelligence, the author was able to cultivate a more balanced and sustainable lifestyle that supported their overall well-being.


Doula work is a challenging and rewarding profession that requires doulas to balance intense emotional labor with their own personal growth. For the author, the realization that they could no longer dedicate themselves to the demands of this role without compromising their own well-being marked a turning point in their career. By taking a step back and focusing on their own wellness, the author paved the way for a new chapter in their life and continued to make a positive impact in the world.

It is crucial for doulas to recognize the need for self-care and boundaries in order to maintain their own well-being and the well-being of their clients. By stepping back and prioritizing their own growth, doulas can continue to make a profound impact in the world while also cultivating a fulfilling and sustainable career.

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